I don’t know about you, but after the rigours of the last few years I’m beginning to feel a bit frayed around the edges. I used to pride myself on keeping a reasonable fitness regime and a healthy diet, which of course leads to a healthy mind, but most of my good intensions seem to have gone out of the window, which incidentally needs cleaning.

So now is probably the right time to carry out a personal audit.

EXCERCISE

There’s no point in arguing. I don’t do enough/any!
I used to play squash, you know dash around the court at breakneck speed in a miasma of high competition. Then up to the bar for a couple of pints then home for supper feeling on top of the world. That’s not for me anymore, I’m getting past all of that. To be honest I’m not sure that it did me much physical good anyway.

Walking is highly beneficial. I need to do more of it and it’s a simple solution to getting and keeping fit, but it’s really time consuming if you want to get any real benefit - there’s no point in making a token gesture. Maybe running/jogging is better but to be absolutely frank with you - and would I ever be otherwise - it really does not have any personal appeal, mainly because I find it bores the pants off me, and that’s not a good look when you’re pounding the streets either late at night or early in the morning. Frankly the only running I would really be doing under these circumstances would be ‘running out of puff’!

Joe, my next door neighbour, runs for five miles every day. The problem is that by the end of the week he’s 35 miles away from home! (Sorry, I know.) And talking about aging, Joe is well past retirement but is happy to spend his life discussing the varying benefits of disparate brands of running shoes, which come in a wide range of both colours and prices.

Personal daily exercise routines at home supervised by a TV screen and a virile presenter are probably worthwhile and do have some benefits. Maybe a room given over to various items such as running machines, rowing machines and other items of torture are a good idea as well. But you need self-discipline and a positive attitude. Which luckily I have in plenty - or maybe I don’t.

The end result of all of this is that I have joined a local gym. It actually became rather
difficult to choose a candidate because, whereas locally at one time we had only one gym in town, now we’ve got six! Crikey, that’s almost one for every day of the week. We’ve got more gyms than pubs! Are we really becoming that fit as a nation? You would expect to see hordes of immaculately fit people pounding up and down the high street flexing their muscles but I really don’t see many of them.

The gym I’ve joined is a no-nonsense one at an acceptably low price. I really didn’t want all that prancing around in the shower or being seen in the latest colour co-ordinated outfit. I just want to get fit. Light blue seems to suit me by the way.
Oh and another thing, I find it’s best to exercise early in the morning before your brain has a chance to talk you out of it.

DIET

“I’m so good at it I managed to finish my last 14 day diet in three days!”

Now that I’ve started my new exercise regime, my next step is to adjust my diet
accordingly. Well OK I’ve only been to the gym once since I’ve joined, but I’m determined to improve my body mass index. Or as we enthusiasts prefer to call it, our BMI.

So the whole household is now on a diet, and so the battle commences between carbs and proteins. I check in the mirror most mornings to see how my six pack is coming on, but I suppose I should be thinking about paying my second visit to the gym; I haven’t even got a one pack at this stage.

Dieting is so difficult, it’s a question of wishing the time away until you next have to weigh yourself. Remember the old Oscar Wilde quote “I can resist anything but temptation”? Well that could be me. But not quite. I have managed to lose some weight but quite frankly I really didn’t need to lose much anyway. My real problem is the quality of my diet coupled with a need for more exercise. I know that I really should eat more healthily and I know that I should try harder to exercise. I know that I should … but maybe tomorrow!